Ex-Pirates New-Nationals Fan Manifesto

Dear Childhood Team,

I didn't want it to come to this. We had some good times together, including the early 90's when I felt sure we would at least be in the championship series. You have a lineup from that time that I can still recite to this day. Inexplicably, we put in a reliever in a bad match-up do-or-die game and lost a heart breaker, with me nearly breaking my fist on a bookshelf because it was past my bedtime and was listening on the radio. No matter, I thought, there would be plenty more chances to come. Instead, the team broke up, and here we are, 20 years later and no winning record? Is that possible. Yes, although I initially blamed it on baseball's flawed free agency system and the fact that big market teams get all the best players. I stopped watching all the teams as a form of punishment to a league that I felt abandoned its roots. That is somewhat true, but cannot explain the true futility that 20 losing seasons represents. Even when I moved away, I kept defending and rooting for you when there was little reason to. This season was the last straw. A stretch run that quashed hopes of playoffs, and then a winning season that would have finally ended the jokes. Well, I've found someone new. At first it was just a local thing, you know, being able to see the games and what not. In fact, they were as hapless as you at first. But then it got serious and they got better. They are exciting and make me love the game again. I am sorry. This is the worst and best thing for the both of us. I have to get on with my life. Yesterday, I had to look up what a division winner was, as I hadn't heard that term in some time. My children will be taught to love this team as I loved you. When the grow up, they can decide whom they love and for what reasons. I will still look at your box scores and wish you well if we pass on the street. However, in a head to head match-up, my loyalties will be on the other side. Thanks for everything - Your Former Fan. (UPDATE: of course the Pirates would make the playoffs in 2013 and the Nationals would falter; what am I, from Cleveland?)

Baseball Game Souvenir

OK, if you end up getting a bat or something, that may be a little better than a baseball. That is a rare occurrence, with the only one I can remember being a kid that got hit by a foul ball, so the player that hit it gave the kid a bat (until lawyers got involved and told the kid not to accept anything lest he waive the right to sue). But foul balls/home runs/balls thrown into stands by players, are pretty commonplace. Think about it, what other sport can you take a piece of equipment to in anticipation of using it? Granted, there is no equipment in basketball, nor really football to catch the ball. Never heard of anyone taking a hockey glove or a stick to a hockey game. Me, I was lucky enough to capture a foul ball at a minor league game. Here's the story. Easily the best foul ball seat I have ever had (1st base about half way up the first section). I thought I was jinxed when each team kept bringing up left handed hitters like they were going out of style. Late in the game though, a ball was hit that was clearly going to be just over my head, meaning I was going to have to play the ricochet. The park wasn't crowded, but it wasn't empty, but no one happened to be walking passed when it hit a concession stand and bounced hard toward me. As a big dude, there was no way this was getting by me, or so I thought. The ball took a wicked kick to my right, glancing just off my fingertips, and I thought all was lost. However, I managed to get enough of the ball to rob its momentum, and ball stopped right in the middle of the group of people I was with. I yelled at them to pick it up, and someone did and handed it to me, asking "where did this come from?" Are you kidding me? It came from the field. And right there, I realized I was the only one who cared. 

Wade Boggs Topps Rookie Card

It is amazing how reality can become distorted as a kid. I was pretty sure that this Wade Boggs rookie Topps card from 1983 was going to be worth a ton a money later in life because I saw in some collecting magazine (this was before el internet) that the card was worth...two figures! Free college education, here I come. Well, being an amateur card collector, I had no idea you were supposed to put the things in plastic cases, or get them certified, or whatever. So I kept it in one of those metal cabinets with all the little plastic drawers, with my other valuable possessions that would someday buy me whatever I wanted, i.e., every Nintendo game ever made. Of course, I kept this right next to my bed, lest a robber find out about my hoard and come to steal it in the middle of the night. Well, this was about the time I discovered that having a glass of water next to your bed at night was one of the finest ideas ever. Wake up thirsty, and ta da, there is some water right there. One night I spill the water...on top of the metal case...containing my cards. The metal case did its best, but my prized Wade Boggs rookie card got damp, and the left hand side got warped. Even though I didn't know that the card was not mint before this, it was devastating blow to my future financial situation. After much depression, I decided to fight water with water. I re-wet that side of the card, and put it in between the pages of a big book (probably an atlas). It almost came out normal. Actually, looking at it today, I think it is actually slanted at the top. At the time, however, it was enough to think I had rescued my golden ticket and would be on my way to curing cancer in no time.

Mark McGwire Topps Rookie Card

Maybe this wasn't the best investment as a kid, right alongside my priceless, worthless comic book collection, but it did provide endless hours of fun. I would go with my father to some seedy shop in the big city, and haggle with the owner over a box of Topps baseball cards. You think I would be good at haggling today, but nay, I ended up paying more if it comes to negotiations. Nevertheless, I got my box of Topps and would open a pack a day for the summer. Savoring that stale chewing gum, looking at everyone's stats. Sometimes completing a set; mostly not. The conversation begins and ends with Topps. Oh I dabbled in Fleer, but my heart and wallet belonged to Topps. Then came the market saturation, with Upper Deck being the major offenders. Luckily, I was almost done with the card game at that point since I don't know if I could survive packs that cost double what they used because they contained a stupid hologram? Oh, I think about buying a pack of cards once in awhile, though I have no boys. I heard there was going to be cards with videos on them; that peaked my interest at one point, though I have no idea why except for the novelty. Probably all a ruse. These phase is best left with the memories I have, playing baseball with the actual cards on my carpet, using another card as the baseball and calling a player out based on where it landed and was thrown. Mark, your reputation may be somewhat stained now, but I will always have this picture of when we were both innocent.

NES Bases Loaded Cartridge

Upon further review, I am going to have to change the worst NES baseball game ever to Bases Loaded, simply for the fact that the reverse angle on hitting had to be the dumbest idea ever. Plus, after replaying some good old RBI Baseball, I realize now that the hitting was near perfect. Let me recount why I was considering RBI Baseball as the worst NES baseball game ever. While it did have actual player names, there were only 8 teams and did not include the best minor league team of all time, the Pittsburgh Pirates. There was no season mode, no playoffs, basically no replay value. Still, I rode Boston to as many wins as Theo Epstein did. The worst part of the actually game play was not being able to dive for balls on defense. And having the ball clunk off your head once in awhile. All baseball games for the NES had the curious situation of a defender being about twice as fast as a base runner. Suddenly these guys get out to the field and become the Flash? As you can see, I paid $0.79 for this used copy. Just checked online and that investment has lost be $0.78. Lame. You know what else sucked about Bases Loaded: it only said "JALECO" on the end of the cartridge, so when you had all your games nice and organized on a shelf, you couldn't tell what game this was.

NES Baseball Stars Cartridge

Ah, Baseball Stars, how do I love ye? Let me count the ways. All those years wasted playing RBI Baseball...until I was introduced to Baseball Stars in, of all places, college. We ended up having a pretty sophisticated Baseball Stars league between all the dudes on our dorm floor: celebrating after each victory; licking our wounds after each loss. This was, of course, after we kicked all of the ladies out for the night and finished playing quarters, beer pong, and/or [insert drinking game here]. Next to NCAA Football on the PlayStation and NHL '98 on the Sega, Baseball Stars was probably the game I played the most during the "best years of my life". OK, so I played a lot of Quake on the computer as well, but that was solo play, if you don't count playing online with other players and being in a clan (Low Ping Boozers forever!). Baseball Stars was unlike all of the other baseball games in terms of look and feel, then came the value-added extras that enabled said dorm floor to bond over something else besides studying moderately hard. How the cartridge battery was still able to retain data after 10 years was pretty much a miracle to me; I should have wrote my thesis on how the power problem could be solved using old NES game batteries. Thus, we didn't even need to use the original, somewhat silly teams since we could create our own, thereby leveling the playing field. On top of that was the ability to make player moves and track the most amazing stats until the ladies came back in the morning. This game was just light-years ahead of the competition and is as close as it comes to the perfect sports game. The sequel can best described as the Ghostbusters II of the gaming world: really no reason for them to exist in this world or another. Nevertheless, the varnish is too strong on the original to be tarnished by any association with sub-par second acts. Thank you, Baseball Stars, lowering my GPA and teaching me what is important in this world.