Grade School Ski Art

There was a good year in grade school when I was obsessed with neon construction paper. I used to steal it from class and my teacher finally gave me a catalog to order some of my own (I just got better at hiding the paper since I didn't have a credit card at the time, unless you count AMEX). This was also the year that I went skiing for the first time, got a concussion, and puked the whole ride home. Needless to say, my obsession with neon construction paper and skiing did not last through to present times, but I do have this sweet illustration of both memories that I think I made in second grade? I should have used some cotton for the top of his hat. Dang. And probably colored his eyes. Shoot.

Penny Collection

There are a grand total of three pennies in this folder which I have had for say about 25 years now. The coolest one I have is actually the next folder, which contains a steel 1943 penny that was minted to save copper for the war effort. Back to the point: this folder is for die-hards to finish collecting, not some snot nosed kid that showed a passing interest in coins and stamps (as many kids do). Who knows, maybe I will pass the 1975+ on to my little ones for their fleeing fancies.

Memorex Cassette Tape

My parents had this ideology that they would "skip" a technology in order not to over-invest in any one format when it came to things such as electronics. Therefore, after using records, they bypassed the 8-track revolution and went straight to the cassette tape era. This would seem like a good idea except that this meant that they needed to skip CDs that lasted much longer than they expected. Even then, when the next technology came along, MiniDiscs, it sucked so bad that even my rents didn't use it. For sure, MP3 players (or whatever the hell format Apple uses in their crystal temple) are here to stay for until some type of media telepathy is developed. Thanks to my parents "revolutionary" idea, while I was unable to converse with friends about CDs, I still  have tapes in the original package worth absolutely nothing. The one redeeming feature of cassette tape players (aka WalkMans) was that they didn't skip when being jostled about. CDs had a hard time coming to grips with that, as I seem to recall. Too bad cassette tapes still sounded like static and it took forever to switch songs cause you had to find the exact spot by trial and error. Last but not least, there was almost no room for cover art.

Rap Collage

Won this "rap collage" at an unofficial dance competition for a Ska-Punk band in college (my competition was someone wearing a California Raisin costume; that cat could groove). For years, this poster provided great fodder for conversation during parties where we all tried to name everyone shown. I think we had a master key at one point, but lost it in the fog of time. I used to keep this TIME magazine article up next to it as a pseudo "who's who." This image is not for reuse as I do not have the copyright, just reviewing it here as fair-use. The artist is Micarelli and it turns out you can still buy copies.

Old Milwaukee Swedish Bikini Team Poster

I was dismayed to see someone else had an image of the poster on the internet since I thought I would be the only one dumb enough to hold on to this, or have a cool enough wife to let me keep it. Not sure if you are even allowed to upload pictures of posters with copyright and all. Searching for answers got me nothing but legal mumbo jumbo. Wikipedia seems to think that if the image represents something that is being critically commented on, then it is fair use, like a music album cover. So, here is the critical commentary: this poster is funny. We wrote quotes on it after seeing another, much cooler group of people with posters of Vanilla Ice, etc. with funny quotes. Hence the "yup, yup!" Anyhow, this beat the stereotypical Animal House poster of Bluto and the one with the two girls in their underwear hugging. This image is not for reuse as I obviously don't own the copyright.

Nike Missile

There is a Nike missile silo near my house. We always wondered what it was with neighbors postulating it was a safe house for important people in the government or something. Of course, Google new the answer. These silos used to ring all the major cities and were high speed missiles that could knock out long range bombers during the early part of the cold war before they could drop their ordinance. The Nikes had to be 100% effective; if one bomber made it through that was all she wrote for said city. After ICBMs became standard, these missiles became obsolete and are now in museums only. They are trying to re-purpose the silos for parks, but there is some contamination. I'd rather they remain as is, reminding us of our fragility, and our response, in the face of human nature. 

Wade Boggs Topps Rookie Card

It is amazing how reality can become distorted as a kid. I was pretty sure that this Wade Boggs rookie Topps card from 1983 was going to be worth a ton a money later in life because I saw in some collecting magazine (this was before el internet) that the card was worth...two figures! Free college education, here I come. Well, being an amateur card collector, I had no idea you were supposed to put the things in plastic cases, or get them certified, or whatever. So I kept it in one of those metal cabinets with all the little plastic drawers, with my other valuable possessions that would someday buy me whatever I wanted, i.e., every Nintendo game ever made. Of course, I kept this right next to my bed, lest a robber find out about my hoard and come to steal it in the middle of the night. Well, this was about the time I discovered that having a glass of water next to your bed at night was one of the finest ideas ever. Wake up thirsty, and ta da, there is some water right there. One night I spill the water...on top of the metal case...containing my cards. The metal case did its best, but my prized Wade Boggs rookie card got damp, and the left hand side got warped. Even though I didn't know that the card was not mint before this, it was devastating blow to my future financial situation. After much depression, I decided to fight water with water. I re-wet that side of the card, and put it in between the pages of a big book (probably an atlas). It almost came out normal. Actually, looking at it today, I think it is actually slanted at the top. At the time, however, it was enough to think I had rescued my golden ticket and would be on my way to curing cancer in no time.

Mark McGwire Topps Rookie Card

Maybe this wasn't the best investment as a kid, right alongside my priceless, worthless comic book collection, but it did provide endless hours of fun. I would go with my father to some seedy shop in the big city, and haggle with the owner over a box of Topps baseball cards. You think I would be good at haggling today, but nay, I ended up paying more if it comes to negotiations. Nevertheless, I got my box of Topps and would open a pack a day for the summer. Savoring that stale chewing gum, looking at everyone's stats. Sometimes completing a set; mostly not. The conversation begins and ends with Topps. Oh I dabbled in Fleer, but my heart and wallet belonged to Topps. Then came the market saturation, with Upper Deck being the major offenders. Luckily, I was almost done with the card game at that point since I don't know if I could survive packs that cost double what they used because they contained a stupid hologram? Oh, I think about buying a pack of cards once in awhile, though I have no boys. I heard there was going to be cards with videos on them; that peaked my interest at one point, though I have no idea why except for the novelty. Probably all a ruse. These phase is best left with the memories I have, playing baseball with the actual cards on my carpet, using another card as the baseball and calling a player out based on where it landed and was thrown. Mark, your reputation may be somewhat stained now, but I will always have this picture of when we were both innocent.