Security Camera Sign

I was surprisingly disappointed in Amazon's selection in stickers and signs that say a property is being monitored by a security camera(s), considering they sell everything and the kitchen sink. This big old red sign is exactly what I had in mind. Simple message. Nice picture of what is going on. Sticker makers take note. 

Restricted Area Sign

Keep moving. Nothing to see here.

Slow Children Playing Sign

That kid on the sign looks pretty fast to me.

Deaf Child Area Sign

Don't yell, "Hey, kid, get out of the way." That's just mean.

Speed Limit Enforced by Aircraft Sign

When I was a kid and first read the sign on the side of some highways that said "speed enforced by aircraft," I was pretty sure that meant that if you were speeding, planes would come down and blow your car up. Well, that turns out not to be the case. Honestly though, are speed limits still, or ever were, being enforced by aircraft? Seems like hitting a fly with a hammer, or the other way around.

Bike Lane Ends Sign

Bike lanes are like baby pigeons around where I live: essentially non-existent. Nothing beats when a bike lane just simply comes to an end. They should erect a big old wall to drive the point home. Point being that the road may be unsafe for cyclists, having horizontal grates, little or no shoulder, aggressive drivers and an unsustainable speed limit for someone riding single gear. So I get on the sidewalk and slow down to a crawl. Better to look like a fool than risk serious bodily harm.

Fire Extinguisher Symbol Sign

Raise your hand if you know how to use a fire extinguisher. My hand is half-raised. I think you are supposed to point it away from the fire, then sweep at the base. I also think that these don't last long, though this big one probably gives you a minute? There are instructions in fine print on the side of the extinguisher, if you have time to read them. I like how this one has the little fire extinguisher graphic above it, in case you don't know exactly what this thing is, and the graphic is terrible. I mean, who looks at this fire extinguisher and wonders "what the hell is that" then sees the little graphic above it and goes "oh, fire extinguisher!" Reminds me of Homer looking at a gym and says "What's a gime?" Then he walks into the gym and says "Oh, gime!" The best prevention rumor of all-time besides the dye in pools that shows who is peeing is that the fire alarms in schools had fluorescent dye on the handles so that the cops could tell who pulled the alarm. No one ever pulled the fire alarm. Of course, none of us were smart enough to use gloves at that age...

Misguided No Straws Policy

At least they apologized. However, I guarantee that they will use more napkins and chemical cleaner when cleaning up one chocolate milk spill from my kids that could have been prevented by said straws.

Vegetarian Goose

No comment.

This Lane Ends 2 3/4 Miles Sign

Actually, there was another sign about a quarter mile ahead of this one that said "Lane Ends in 3 Miles."  But I like this one since it is so specific about the mileage, just in case you missed that 3 mile sign. Now that is an extended warning. Traveling at 60 mph, you less than 3 minutes to change lanes. 

Interstate 95 Sign

I love the interstate system. I was raised to believe that we needed a way to move military vehicles across the country after transportation switched from rail to road (and I guess before air really took off, haha). This doesn't appear entirely true, and the roads were used instead so everyone could go see in-laws all over the country. I-95 is a great road, stretching from somewhere in New England, all the way to the sunny state of Florida. However, due to its popularity and utility, it is perpetually crowded at peak times, especially along the megalopolis that is DC to Boston. Then they added tolls that were promised to be abolished once said project was paid for (see the Baltimore Harbor Tunnel). Instead, they just raised the tolls and no charge you to travel through such meccas as Delaware. This is a horrible picture of a sign on this fine road that has been ruined.

Pest Control Pun

Because nothing says funny like infestation.

Dyson Sale Sign Fail

Yes, you too can save 11 cents if you act now.

Humps for 200 Yards Sign

I confess, this is not a cell phone picture. It was taken in London with a regular old crappy camera. But, the intent was there: if I had a cell phone, I would have used it! House rules.

Parking Reserved for Mothers-to-be Sign

What about fathers to be? Equal rights!

Thou Shalt Not Park Here Sign

I don't know what authority God has over parking spaces, though I doubt it is on the same level as the DMV. I wonder what parking is like in heaven? Are there still handicap spots? Is every spot close to your destination, meter-free, far enough away from other cars to preclude door dings, etc.? I guess there aren't even cars, maybe they have really big automated walkways. That would be convenient. This is a guest picture from my old LG VX7000, which I thought took great pictures, for a phone. Now these pictures look like they had mayo on the lens.

Handicapped Parking Sign

I have trouble telling people who clearly aren't handicapped that they shouldn't be parking in a handicap spot. Being a non-confrontational person, nothing else is possible more confrontational than confronting someone like this. I prefer instead to be one of the angry mob that attacks the car, a la Seinfeld where Kramer parks George's father's car in a handicap spot at the mall and the car gets trashed after a handicap person gets hurt because his or her car was not in a handicap spot. 

Team Rally Point Sign

I took the pink bow-tie. It is a clip-on. I would love to know how to tie a real bow tie and rock it like it is the twentieth century. Well, whatever team this is, I wish them the best rally ever.

Please Drive (no walking) Sign

This was on the farm with the strawberry picking. Seemed like a good a picture of any. Couldn't think of a funny title, so what you see is what you get.