Plastic Glove with Popcorn and Candy Corn Halloween Hand

These look real fun until you have to make thirty of them, consequently eating more popcorn than actually gets stuffed into the gloves. Luckily, not a fan of candy corn. Why the hell is it called candy corn? The best part was dropping five into the glove to see if they would all magically disperse to fill each finger. Usually they just fell into the same finger. Doh.

Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar

The holy grail of treats on Halloween, my posse and I would go out of our way on the mere rumor that there was house giving out full sized bars of candy. We had one reliable house in our neighborhood. I think the couple didn't have children, or the children had grown-up, or whatever excuse we could come up with for these gods among mortals. I don't remember the last time I went trick or treating. If I had known, I would have gone on the candy binge of a lifetime. Wait, now I do that every time I hand out candy and scoff at the older kids who barely put effort into their "costumes."

Apple

People who try to give out fruit or healthy snacks on Halloween probably only do it once. Consider it a form of suburban justice. Your house is marked as worse than those that have all the lights shut off and the drapes over the windows; at least they could conceivably be out of the house. Or the people with the empty bowl of candy that says take one; did they really put any candy in there to begin with. No, the folks trying to give apples out on the most holiest of kid's days end up with white tissue paper on their trees and eggs on their house. I didn't partake in these illegal acts; there were kids far better it than me with priors already. 

Ladybug Antennae on Dog

Really, any dog costume is the worst dog costume ever.