File Validation Warning Message

If you are an MS Word Super User, you may get this message "Security Alert - Office File Validation" with some warning about danger, malicious users, taking over computers, cats and dogs living to together, you know, real fire and brimstone stuff. Not to worry, it probably just doesn't like one of your recently updated templates that has the file extension *.dot. What you need to do is have Word learn to trust the place you keep your templates. Here is the SOP:
1. Go to Word Options under the Windows button when in MS Word
2. Click on Trust Center
3. Click on Trust Center Settings
4. Click on Trusted Locations
5. Click on Add new location...
6. Click on Browse
7. Navigate to the location of the folder with your templates and click OK
8. Check the box next to Subfolders of this location are also trusted and click OK
9. Click a bunch of OKs to get back to Word
10. Club a seal (optional)

MS Word Spell Check Error Language Problem

Oh MS Word, how I loath thee, let me count the ways. Truth is, for every way I hate Word, there is a analogous thing that I love. In other words, the consummate love/hate relationship. This problem blows my mind, and there is not a whole lot of resources out there on how to fix it. Every once in awhile, especially when working on a historic document, Word's real time spell checker feels that you are spelling words wrong that are completely right (by putting the red squiggly line underneath). You think you are going crazy, and wonder why it is suggesting words like "clinicat" to correct "clinical." Here is what you have to do to fix it, using the hammer approach in Word 2007 (don't just add the word to your personal dictionary if you are using Word 2003, just leave).

1. Press CTRL and the A key to select everything in the entire document.
2. Click the Review tab on the Ribbon.
3. Click Set Language in the proofing section on the far left (the little globe with a check mark).
4. Select the language you want in the list box.
5. Make this the default language for future documents by clicking the Default button.
6. Click Yes in the message box.
7. Click OK.

Scientific Keyboard Shortcuts for Plus/Minus, Micro, Greater/Less than or Equal to

If you do a bunch of technical writing, keyboard shortcuts are essential unless you want to keep going to the stupid character map which is hard to find, then you end up looking at the wing-dings for awhile and spelling weird things with graphics. Then you find out that Arial is a rip-off of some famous font called Helvetica. I digress. The way to go if you need a plus/minus sign is to hold ALT and hit 241 in sequence like so: ±. Same goes for micron ALT 0181: µ. Less than or equal is ALT 243: ≤. And greater than or equal is ALT 242: ≥. These I haven't quite committed to memory, so I have a little note for quick reference. I learned along time ago that the absolutely essential degrees symbol is ALT 0186: º. Note that this works for both the archaic farenheit or modern day celcius scales. Hmm, that would make a good post! FYI, you don't need a shortcut for just greater or less than: just use the shift key and the comma or period button genius. 

Windows 7 Message "The User Profile Service Failed The Logon"

Sometimes after restarting my computer after getting the desktop cannot be accessed or access is denied message, I will receive this lovely note from Windows 7 saying that the user profile service service failed the logon and the user profile cannot be loaded. Yes, this message says "service service" like the Little Ceaser's guy used to say "pizza pizza." Fortunately, Windows acknowledges its instability and, after restarting and hitting F8 like a madman to get to safe mode, I am able to go to the control panel, select recovery and load a system image from a day or two ago. No files are lost in the process, just annoying flash and java updates.

Windows 7 Message: Desktop is not Accessible

I swear this happens when I log-in to Windows 7 too quickly, which makes no sense. Why would I get the log-in screen, the de facto permission slip to enter your password, if all the system files are not done loading and you get this garbage message saying the desktop is not accessible and access is denied. If you click OK, you end up getting a desktop that looks like Windows 98. As a bonus, when you try to restart, it won't let you log-in. At this point, I found it is best to restart the computer and follow the steps over here if you can't log-in.  

Sticky Keys

Screw you "sticky keys." The best solution I've found for getting rid of them: reboot.

Google Ads Result for "Bottom Line Up Front" Search

Glad I wasn't searching this at work. Luckily, I did happen to be searching for a nice bottom girdle. How do they do that!

3.5" Diskette

Ah, the 3.5 inch diskette, I can't believe these aren't in widespread use anymore. Why did I like them so much? Well, obviously you couldn't store much data on them, so you weren't as wanton as some people are today, throwing around gigabyte files, killing productivity. 1.44 megabyte is all you were gonna get, usually a little less with buffers and stuff that I have no idea what I am talking about. I used to drive the better half crazy calling the part on the computer that read these the "A:" drive; I dare someone to find me a computer where the 3.5" floppy was not assigned to drive letter A! The absolute best feature: the little tab on the upper right is a lock tab; slide it into place and the disk cannot be written, just read. Couldn't do that with CDs that were the mainstay for a decade. Plus, very little chance of scratching with that cool little metal sliding thingy, whereas CDs would get scratched to the bejesus. Yes, no a days we have cool stick drives (that have gone overboard with Angry Birds themes) that can sometimes encrypt data and protect files. But give me my 3.5 disk collection any day of the week.

5" Floppy Disk

Wow, the 5 inch monster from the 1980s(?). Why did they call it the 5 inch floppy? You guessed it: it was 5 inches of pure nothing. Actually, not so much, it was 5.25 inches. Sorta like a 2x4 not being 2x4 because the wood shrinks or something after they cut it. What is the excuse for the misnomer on these disks? Anyway, these were slow as hell, easily corrupted, this is one step up from the slide rule in terms of technology. This one was for an Atari system that used 5" disks. I don't miss them, but I am proud to have wasted time sitting there trying to get a computer to read the kilobyte of data so I could play my pathetic 1-bit game.

Royal KMM Typewriter with Magic Margins

No insert key, although no backspace key either. I love pounding away on the keys on this beast and realizing how dependent I have become on spell checking software. It must weigh about 50 lbs or pure cast iron old fashioned goodness. When I found it, it had these ugly green caps on all the keys that I guess raised the profile of the keys making it easier to type. However, I wasn't aware of this fact for some months until I was reading up on the history and saw that most of the surviving models had the glass keys taken off to use for jewelry, e.g., cuff-links. What a travesty. Anyhow, I looked under the caps, and lo and behold, perfectly preserved glass keys. I have no idea what have the little levers do, and I can barely get it to what I want half the time, which makes it all the more interesting.

Removed Insert Keyboard Key

It was a close race between Caps Lock and Insert. At least I have used Caps Lock once or twice in my lifetime. Goodbye, Insert key.